I feel like abortions should bother me more
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
