At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
