Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
