Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
