the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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