Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
