Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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