we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
True strength comes from lack of pants
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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