the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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