i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
