i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
