The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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