I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Found your dick twin last night
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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