fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
