What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
