He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
