Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
