Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
