I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
