Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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