I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
