i will never coherently bang her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
3pm strippers are depressing
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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