That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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