i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
