The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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