yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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