..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's never too late to be topless.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
