Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
