Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
