pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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