Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
