my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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