i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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