I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Randomize
