I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
