I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
