Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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