I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
