Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
