I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
