I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We just shotgunned beers for America
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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