yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
