well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize