My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
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