ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
