plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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