Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
