I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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