Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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