don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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