I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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