i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
