why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
