Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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