I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
