I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
jump out the window naked night went bad
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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