the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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