think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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