I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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