You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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