Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We left the knife in your bed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
