mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
