I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
