You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
