And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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