Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
