you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
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Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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