Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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