Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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