There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
