He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
