yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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