You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize