I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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