I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
