so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
