Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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