if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
