I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
